Just Breathe

With each breath, I seek clarity. I seek answers to the questions that swirl through my mind like a tornado. Each breath is labored. Each breath is a reminder that I am at the mercy of my world. Each breath pains my heart, yet opens my mind. My senses are heightened yet dull. Emotions run to extremes – comfort and relaxed to uneasy and anxious. And then I find myself forgetting to breathe so the cycle begins again. A need for clarity, so a breath I force myself to take.

In a moment of comfort and relaxation I blurted out what should have been an inner-thought, “I feel weird.” The person with me asked me to explain what I meant, and I failed to find the words. I don’t know how to verbalize these feelings. They are so intense, yet fleeting. My friend wanted me to figure out what happened that made me feel “weird” in the hope that finding the source of the emotion would shed light on what to do with it. But the thing is there wasn’t just one event that has brought this on. It’s been a sequence of events in conjunction with the unknown.

Many years ago a part of my turned off a talent that was like an instinct. A talent that I have had for as long as I could remember. It was just a few weeks before September 11th, and I have yet to be able to redevelop it to the level it was at. I think a part of it is out of fear and another part is because it’s nice not having it interfere with everyday life. Lately, I have felt it returning and I don’t know if this “weird” feeling is part of it. I’m trying to differentiate if it’s personal confusion or the phoenix arising within.

So here I sit. Reminding myself to breath. Breathe for answers. Breathe for clarity. Breathe for change in my world. Breathe to keep my mind open. Breathe for anticipation of relief. Breathe for my life.