EMOTIONAL

Lately I have been finding myself to be a complete and utter emotional wreck. I've been using all my strength just to keep it together. I have no idea - well, not that's a lie - I don't understand why everything has been hittin gme so hard lately.

I'm working, in what I affectionately call Hell, 5 days, assisting in 4th grade one day, taking 3.5 classes on a graduate level, assisting with the confirmation kids @ church, orgainizing a women's retreat (which I will elaborate cuz I just found out some stuff to add to everything), the maid of honor for my sister (matron sounds so old), support for my friends (2 going through a divorce, one moving far, one struggling with finding herself, one who needs assistance with her kids), and my crazy madre. Have I forgotten to mention the regular daily chores?

I thought some of the emotions last week were due to stress, lack of sleep, and my wonderful monthly visitor, but I'm not so sure anymore. I mean last week I was sitting in my office ready to cry (and not just because of my friend moving), then in the middle of the grocery store while with my husband I wanted to cry again. It took all my strength to hold it in, and finally on the way home I was a complete balling idiot. I've started crying at commercials, watching the Ghost Whisperer, I think it's a bit out of control.

I thought this week would start off better. I've gotten some sleep and my visitor has departed, but here I sit miserable and ready to cry again. I'm feeling a little insane with my efforts to control this weepiness. My poor husband has been nothing but wonderful - cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking care of the cats, offering cuddles of consolment - but this can't continue, I'm gonna make the poor man go batty.

It's been so bad I've even tried taking a Xanax. All that did was convert the tears into anger without the ability for me to keep my mouth shut - that's just dangerous. If people knew what was on my mind - especially at my job - I'd be in a whole lot of hot water. Then again, maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way.

I don't really know what the purpose is for posting this blog - maybe just the hope that puttin it in words would help exspell the sadness from my heart - maybe someone would give me sage advise as to how to handle this - maybe someone can prescribe more Xanax.