Women are funny creatures. I’ve noticed through my own experiences and observations of others, that when a woman feels a strong sense of loyalty and love towards another woman any person that causes harm to that person faces the wrath and disdain from the female friend.
It is your female friends that you can count on to remember the one God awful thing that your boyfriend did that hurt your feelings. Now you may be married to that man, but your female friends won’t ever forget that one thing he did. You and he have probably moved past it, more than likely forgave each and forgotten about it – but she hasn’t. Oh, don’t let her fool you either, she may never mention it to (more than likely because you’ve asked her to let it go or because she sees you have moved passed it), she won’t even bring it up in casual conversation, nor as a joke, or a “remember when”. She will keep it in the back of her mind, and every time you turn to her for guidance on the next stupid thing that man does her brain will retrieve this story and file the new stupid thing along with it. Then, if and when, you and the man break it off she will remind you of all the awful terrible things that happened throughout your relationship. When she reminds of all this, you may be baffled that she remembered things you didn’t.
With this in mind, I’ve begun to think about how people wind up in bad relationships – be it emotionally or physically abusive or just something that leaves the woman feeling empty and unfulfilled. If a woman begins to recognize this talent of remembering in a friend of hers, she may begin to keep things to herself. Whether the situation is life threatening or not, she will hide her feelings about last night’s argument or her fear that he is cheating or her feelings of emptiness. She will do this for a few reasons. She may be hopeful that it is just a phase and things will get better. She may even think that she is being illogical or overly suspicious. Whatever her reason, she ultimately doesn’t want her girlfriends to look poorly on her man – right or wrong.
Now this does seem to create another interesting situation. Women have a need to vent. If you piss a woman off I can just about guarantee that she will turn to someone in her life and curse you out. Every terrible thing that she ever thought about you will come spewing out of her mouth. Mind you, she is just angry and venting. However, if she vents to a girlfriend the girlfriend will file it away and remember it for an eternity.
This talent is good and bad. It’s helpful when we need to avoid getting involved in a bad situation or relationship. It’s not-so-good when we just need to vent about someone’s temporary idiotocy.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. From my sister’s wedding, to the church group, to my friends’ recent break-ups/divorces, as well as my recent blogs I have witnessed and partook of this talent. I feel guilty for harboring some of these thoughts and mildly concerned that I’m tainting my girlfriends’ point of view on some people. I am trying to view my friends’ venting session for what they are and attempt to retract my previous judgments – whether they were vocalized or not. I also want to make sure that it is understood that this blog is place for me to vent or air out my thoughts.
When I was younger I used to keep a journal and it really helped me to work through some of the overwhelming emotions I was feeling at the time. I am an emotional creature. Often I am overcome by what is happening in my life and I figure out what I’m feeling or why. In times of reminiscing I have found myself looking through these old journals and recognizing the progression of my emotional development. The only difference with my journals compared to this blog is that the journals were truly private, no one could read them unless I allowed them – or they snuck into my room. Here my thoughts are for whoever is passing by. So I now add this disclaimer – this blog is intended to allow me a place to vent, think things through, and share some love and light for those who pass by. Read it for what its worth and don’t allow that lovely talent of remembering everything cloud your judgment.
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