Another Year

Another year has come and gone.

Another birthday come and gone.

This has been a hectic year with a change in perception of life and motivation to obtain happiness. I have tried to spend more time with those who have been patient with my emotional absence throughout the years prior to this. If spending time has not been an option – for the multitude of reasons that we all have – I have tried to stay in touch via e-mail, MySpace, phone, etc. This year my birthday has left me a bit forlorn.

My birthday arrived and left.

As my day neared I had this feeling that it was going to be forgotten. I’m not one to usually make a big deal about these things. I understand that some are planning weddings, school, work, religious events, but this is the one day of the year that should be mine. The one day that I would hope some would be able to make time for me. I don’t care about presents; Lord knows I am not materialistic in that way. Two years ago my birthday was spent in mourning – this was something no one had control over and although people attempted to make up for it the following week it just didn’t have the same feeling. Last year I planned my own party. I invited friends and family over for dinner, which I cooked (and it was not up to my standards), and just to hang out. The party was at my house, the mess was mine to clean up (some stayed and helped), my husband disappeared for a few hours with our “mutual friends”, we laughed and we sang. It was a nice evening – planned by me for me. This year I was hoping that maybe – just maybe – someone would plan something for me. Instead this is how things unfolded…..

An old friend gave me a great birthday gift but was unable to come with me due to a death in the family. So I went with my sister. The concert was fun, but not as elating as I had hoped.

Friday – CWL planned a nice little birthday surprise with a gift and cake and candles. My boss told me she had forgotten my present at her house and would bring it in on Monday. It’s Monday and my boss has mentioned nothing – no surprise there.

Saturday – Worked during the day. Went out with family to celebrate my cousin’s birthday (hers is the day after mine) – as this was intention of the dinner as per the e-vite we all received. I walked in and was greeted with a “Happy Birthday” song. Dinner was nice. My cousin was supposed to have her own “Happy Birthday” song at the end of the evening, but that didn’t happen. There were no candles to be blown out. I received one birthday card. We went out for a few drinks after and then to a bar where my cousin’s friends were playing. At the bar my cousin and husband went out for some fresh air for about an hour as I sat at the bar alone.

Sunday – MY BIRTHDAY!
Three phone calls to wish me a happy birthday one from CWL, one from my friend who moved, and the other from my sister who had a fever. Went to a friend’s baby’s Christening where my other sister was the Godmother. I received a few birthday wishes and a “card to tide me over”. On my way home my husband asked me to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things, including dinner for the night and a six-pack for him. My husband was working hard on stuff for his classroom and around the house, yet I was still under the impression that we were going to go to the movies at some point. I arrived at home with one more phone call from my mother-in-law with birthday wishes and my husband saying that he forgot to ask me to stop at the video store for a movie later that night – so much for going out. Again I’m being understanding, he’s been working hard, he claims that we spoke about it the night before and due to my inebriate situation we very well may have. So I cooked myself a leftover lunch and sat down to watch a movie on TV as my husband continued to work.

At some point I fell asleep on the couch and became covered in pussy cats. When I woke up my husband was still working and another friend was leaving a birthday message for me on the machine. I told my husband that I was going to feed the cats and then go to the video store, come home and cook dinner. He offered me cash and suggested that I pick up my own birthday cake. I told him that it was too late for birthday cake and there was some left over from Friday that we could eat, but he insisted that I should have a fresh one with candles. Off I went onto an adventure that just perpetuated my feelings of being forgotten.

I arrived at the video store and within 5 minutes the manager asked everyone to leave because the computers had crashed and would be down for an undetermined amount of time. I called home to have my husband call the other video store to see if they were still open, but he didn’t answer the phone so I left a message and went to the grocery store for my birthday cake. Once I found the ice-cream cake I wanted I went to the register to learn that this small 8” cake was $20.00, filled with disgust and hurt I told the cashier I didn’t want it and walked out. My husband called me because he noticed that I called – he never checked the message so he had no idea why I called. We found out that the other video store was still open, and headed in that direction. Thank goodness everything there went just fine. Back in the car I go and head off for another grocery store, hoping that they will have an ice-cream cake that is a bit more reasonable. As I’m driving over there I begin to think about everything that had occurred during this special day. I thought about how sad it was that I was going to the store to purchase my own birthday cake, just like last year. Well, this store didn’t have any better options so I bought 2 pints of Ben & Jerry’s. On my way home I received my final birthday call of the day. At this point I was upset and decided to not answer the phone. I didn’t feel like talking to anybody or dealing with the question – “So what did you do today?” - or even acting chipper and happy.

When I got home my husband could see I was upset. He apologized for not doing a good job and he would try harder next year. He apologized that he didn’t get me a card or cake and acknowledged the fact that he could have made time the day before. I told him I truthfully didn’t expect anything from him because I didn’t even get a card on our anniversary this year so why would this be any different. I could see that this hurt him, but I was hurt too and I couldn’t keep it in any more. He told me that he knew I wasn’t like him and expected more from people on my birthday and promised he would do better next time because he didn’t like to see me hurt. While I was out he had made dinner, since I was starving I served myself and began to eat while he continued to work. Finally around 9PM he stopped working and was ready to watch the movie and spend time with me.

The movie I chose was kind of ironic. The main character had gotten up in the hubbub of everyday life and work. He never was satisfied with his social status and was always trying to achieve more. Through his attempts at obtaining promotions and a bigger paycheck, he wound up neglecting his family and going through life on auto pilot. He lost his wife and caused irreparable damage to his relationships with his parents and children. Here I sat with my husband who had been working all day and friends and family who were occupied with other events in their lives.

During the movie a friend of ours called. My husband was convinced that he was calling to wish me a happy birthday, but he only left a message about needing help with his wedding. Then my husband told me he had some wine and wanted to know if I would like some. I said sure. He went in the kitchen, opened up the bottle, and returned to the living room with one glass. When he leaned in my direction I assumed the glass was for me, but the look on his face told me he didn’t even think about pouring me a glass. He covered by saying that he had forgotten his glass in the kitchen and then places the one in his hand away from me. He went in the kitchen and my feelings were confirmed that he had no intention of getting me a glass when I heard the step stool being pulled out, the cabinet door opening, and more wine being poured. When he walked back in the living room he handed me the original glass of wine and then offered a toast about how wonderful I was and blessed he was for having me and how in love he was. Very sweet, but a little too late my feelings were already hurt. We finished the movie and then went to bed.


So this was my birthday. For those of you reading this that made an effort, I appreciate it. For those who did what they could, I understand. For those who forgot, I can relate. But I cannot lie, this was one of my most disappointing birthdays. I was left feeling forgotten. I know this was no one’s intentions, but this is how I feel.